On Chrismas Eve 2007, I woke up blind in one eye. I stayed blind for about a month. I still have spots in the back of my eye, the doctor says he doesn't know what caused it. I think it was my cat scratching me at night because her thyroid condition made her insanely hungry, but by the time I heard of cat scratch disease, it was a year and a half later and the tests came back negative.
I still get periodic episodes of blindness. I had one in January and another just last month.
I posted a blog on Myspace a long time ago wherein I had copied the emails I sent out to friends and family. Some people have found it interesting to read. It was a very dramatic time. That's for sure.
Click below the fold to read them. I hope this helps somebody.
On December 28, 2007, I wrote:
Hi All-
I woke up Christmas morning seeing what I thought were spots on the wall. Later in the day, I closed me left eye and I couldn't really see out of my right one. I can see shapes and colors and light and shadows, but I can't read anything and I can't distinguish facial features. It really stinks.
I've already been to a retina specialist and he says it's uveitis, or mulit-focal choraiditis. Which means the middle layer of my eyeball, the one with the blodd vessels is inflamed. He said I have several white spots on the back of my eye.
I have to take a bunch of tests to rule out a lot of things next week. Blood tests and a chest x-ray. It's not going to be easy doing this. I'm already missing a couple of days work. The pamphlet said this could be permanent if I don't catch it soon enough. It's already been five days. I'm not sure if it's gettting worse or not.
This really stinks because I don't have any family around me and there is very little public transportation. The Retina specialist is 45 minutes away. My mom's friend Vic is taking me on Monday, but he goes in for knee surgery on Thursday so he will be out of commission.
I hope God takes care of me now. I hope I can get my vision back. Please pray for me. Thank God I'm already on disability. I wish I didn't have to be such a burden to you all.
Other than that, my Christmas was okay. I worked at the convenience store for four hours. I spent Christmass eve with my grandmother, which was good.
I hope that all of you had a nice Christmas and will have a nice new year. Drive carefully.
Love,
Erik
On January 2nd, 2008, I wrote:
Hi Everyone-
The retina specialist told me "it could be permanent" on Monday. As soon as he said that, I was telling myself I guess it's in God's hands. And then I remembered that one of the wonderful things about God is that He gave us a body that heals. So I started telling myself I have faith I will get better, and the very next morning I was able to read the number on the digital clock and also read some things better than before. It's still very blurry, and I hesitate to drive at night, but it's getting better. I wanted you to know that.
I have a ride lined up for next Tuesday, 45 minutes away where they will dilate my pupils so I definitely wouldn't be able to drive myself.
I just got back from the doctor's and the chest x-ray. I hope they find something that can be treated. If "it could be permanent" is his final diagnosis, I'm going for a second opinion somewhere.
I hope everyone had a happy new year. I was playing a video game (with my good eye) when I heard the fireworks go off outside. I wasn't paying attention at all. I worked yesterday (New Year's Day). I also saw the doctor early on the 31st and went to a meeting at 8 (very few people were there). I was home by 10. So I really didn't do anything social except talk on the phone to a couple of people.
Thanks for all of the emails and phone calls you have given me.
Love,
Erik
On January 8th, I wrote:
HI Everyone-
The official diagnosis is "idiopathic", which means I came up negative on every single test he gave me, and there was a lot of them. Which is good, too, depending on how you spin it. He doesn't know how to treat it in a way that he knows will work.
His only suggestion is for me to take steroids for a while, and he said I should probably just wait a few "weeks or months" because the side effects on the steroids could be really bad. He didn't say they were addicting, which is an issue with me, but he did say they could cause diabetes and water retension and few other things. I have another appointment with him in three weeks.
The good news is the spots have gone down a little bit, since last time. I can read quite a bit off the chart, too. Which I don't understand, because it's still very blurry all around.
Anyway, thanks for your support and your prayers. I'll let you know of any further developments.
I hope you're all having a nice day watching the circus in New Hampshire (if that's what you're into).
E
On January 28th, I wrote:
Hello Everyone-
I went back to the Retina Specialist today.
My eye is getting better, but, like I'm about to write in a mass email, I still have white spots back there. they're smaller, but they are still there and he doesn't know when (or even if) they are going to go away. I feel like I can see fine. I don't even think about it (unless I really think about it). Things seem blurry to me, but I'm able to read all of the letters on the chart, so I have 20/20 vision. It's not as clear as it used to be. I always had great vision. the nurse said I would get a very minimal prescription if I had to wear glasses. I don't see the point. I can see fine, just not like it used to be.
He said it "could be" Central Serous Retinochoroidopathy (CSR), which means fluid "could be" leaking out of my blood vessels in the back of my eye. It's different than Uveitis (which it still could be, (or possibly a combination)), but it's all the same to me because the cause is "idiopathic" and there's no way to treat it if they don't know what causes it. So I have to go back in another four weeks.
I have confidence I will get even better, though. don't worry about me. I am not scared anymore. If it gets worse, the anxiety might come back, though. Especially if it affects my driving.
Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well.
Love,
Erik
In a side note to one family member on January 30th, I wrote:
I have a lot of trouble sleeping...
It's either too much or too little, and every bit out of a perfect schedule seems to affect the next 24 hours entirely. It's really pathetic. I pulled over to the side of the road two or three times last night because I was so tired.
The doctor doesn't want me to take medication, because they are all addictive. He says I should exercise more. I've been doing that moreso than before, but I'm not sure it's a perfect answer either. My sponsor said I should stop looking for sympathy from everybody about it, so I'll shut up now.
Love,
Eirk
On June 25th, I wrote:
Update:
Exacy six months after Christmas Eve, when I woke up blind in one eye, the doctor says there are no spotsin the left eye, and only a small one, that hasn't changed much since last time, in the right eye (the one I was blind in). He said he was giving me "time off for god behavior", so I don't have to go back for three months, instead of two.
He did say that this spot could start bleeding at any time, so I'm not out of the woods yet. But, it is definitely good news to sharre.
I wasn't really worried about it too much. So much so, that when the first nurse did her pre-interview, she asked me which eye I was blind in, and strangely, I couldn't remember. I've had a lot to keep my mind occupied, so that's great, I think. Kind of funny, I guess.
Thank you all for being out there. I wish I could see you more, but I'm just grateful you're only an email away.
Thanks.
Love,
Erik
And now, three months after that, Dr. Sachs says the spots haven't changed since the last time I was there in June.
In Gmail, it tells you how many emails reply to a particular convrrsation. This one conversation had 55 replies from members of my family and updates from me. It sucks to be physically alone in New Jersy, but I'm not really alone now, am I?
Thanks to everyone for their concern so far. The next visit is in December. I hope I still have insurance then, but even if I don't and the good Lord takes one, both or any combination of my eyes away from me. I think I'll be okay.
Sincerely,
Erik
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